Refresh week 1- goals and cooking!

Hi! So it's been 6 days since my last post and I have really worked hard at keeping motivated.

I have been the queen of lists! People who actually know me probably know of my love of "to do" lists. I have incorporated that to not just do daily but I have some goals to achieve by the end of the week, and end of month.

3 of my goals for the week were:

* Go grocery shopping
* Cook at least 1 meal
* Research old recipes from my Slimming World days.

So on Tuesday, I wandered around the local supermarket (yes, with a list!) and bought a lot of stuff. I had decided that this week I was going to make an old staple of mine- syn free quiches! 

They are currently in the oven, and since I haven't cooked a proper thing in a while, I'm a little nervous! But we shall see! I tweaked it a bit to add some cheese (40g to be exact) so that makes my quiches from syn-free to about 1/2-1 syn each (I'm making about 15 quiches and 40g cheese is 9 syns if i remember correctly)

I also have plans to make Fajitas (not syn-free but a healthy -and cheaper- alternative to eating out!) on Friday (Fabulous Fajita Friday, if you please!)

One thing I want to incorporate is exercise. Lately, my partner, a friend and I have been going swimming at my Mother-in-law's apartment complex. Sadly the pool will be out of action for a while, but my friend and I plan on hitting the gym. I have to remember that I am not as fit as I used to be, so I need to take it slow. But I'm happy to get some activity in!

I have committed to weighing myself only once a month (eek!) so I won't know the progress for another 26 days. Not that I'm counting or anything. I have come to realise that my weight loss is a physical consequence of eating well. One thing that became my downfall was becoming obsessed with the number on the scale. How many times did I post on here that I was disappointed with like a 2-3lb loss? There were weeks where I tended to under-eat or over-exercise to scramble to a good weight loss- especially after a binge night post-weigh in. 

This time is a bit different. I'm focusing more on the emotional aspect. Of course, I want to be a normal weight/size. But, if I want to be healthy for the rest of my life (a day at a time!) then I have to remember that my weight is not the be-all and end-all.

I have to work on being patient. Haha- but I want to be patient now!!!!

Anyway- I'm happy to be back into this thing. Hopefully I will read back on this next year and rather than think "I'm exactly where I was last year" I'll think "wow, I'm really glad I started getting back on track when I did" 

Until next time,

Much love,
Tanya x

Fall down 7 times ---

Get up 8!

Hello again! T'is me! 

It's been another long hiatus and I don't know really why I find it so hard to stick to blogging and writing down my journey. Well, maybe I do know- probably because I've not really had much of a journey lately. Not a successful one anyway.

Since my last blog post, which was incidentally just around a year ago, a lot has happened. I had a mental breakdown in September, leaving me to be under the care of a local hospital. I've been poked and prodded by doctors, been diagnosed with a new mental disorder (Borderline Personality Disorder) I have been medicated, attended countless appointments with psychiatrists, attended 2 different therapy groups and still have to deal with mental crap on a daily basis.

I also, after a long break away, decided to go back to Overeaters Anonymous and try and get myself out of the world of binge eating and active food addiction.

Last night I picked up my 9 month coin. That's 9 months free from eating processed sugar (that's right- no cakes, doughnuts, cookies, whatever) and binge eating. My food plan is very very lax, I have a long way to go. My weight loss was quick in the beginning but lately I have struggled with that. It's barely noticeable .

After talking to a new (well, in the last year) and wonderful friend of mine, who has supported me so much in the last 9 months, I have decided to make a few changes, and hoping that this will give me some kind of accountability. 

If. I. Can. Stick. To. It

Truth be told, I was thinking about typing this and thought "what's the point really? I can't keep it up for longer than 3 or 4 days" and that has been true. But I miss doing the original blog. I miss the feedback and the love that I used to receive from people walking this journey with me. I miss the food plan that I had, which is hard to keep up over here (but not impossible). 

So, we shall see. Maybe I can keep it up. It might just help me get to where I want to be. Which is not giving a crap about the number on the scales, not obsessing over what I eat and how much. I want to have that sense of freedom and confidence that I had when I was on my Slimming World journey back in 2011-2013. Even though I had poor self image and self worth, it was mightily improved, compared to what I was like before I joined my group for the first time.

I have started going swimming a couple of times a week- not a full workout but it's a start. and over the next few days I plan on doing a shopping list and trying to figure out what is nourishing for me. Then, I am planning on trying to get into the habit of cooking again. I haven't cooked a meal for probably a few months now. I've been eating out and letting other people cook for me. So I need to get back into it.

I am also going to regularly get active- as much as possible. Especially while the weather is half decent.

I have been avoiding looking at my weight- or just looking at myself actually. I am not the biggest I have ever been. That was last November when I was sure as hell that If I didn't do anything and soon, I would've been over 400lb by the time I was 31- if I even made it to 31. But, I know that I have to give this everything I have. I might not have much physical or emotional energy, but with the love and support of the people around me, I know that I have a bit of a chance. 

So, here I am again, again, again. Like I said this time last year- I am going to take it one day, one meal, one moment at a time.

Much love,
Tanya x