I've been meaning to do a blog for the last few days but my heart so hasn't been in it- or anything for that matter.
I got home from an amazing trip on Tuesday. Since leaving my friend at the bus station on Monday (actually it started the day before) I was just crying constantly and that was, and is, incredibly draining. I miss her tonnes. She's amazing, and her family too. It's hard to think that it'll be another couple of years before I get a gnome hug again- and her hugs are amazeballs!
Anyhoo- I got home at 1.30pm on Tuesday, dropped my bags off, said hi to everyone and then asked mum to give me a ride to Slimming World to get weighed- no time like the present eh??? I handed my consultant £25 for a 6 week countdown, which will keep me focused.
Well I was wearing my heavy dungarees (since my jeans weren't going anywhere near me!) and I had a huge meal at Heathrow a few hours before- I was pretty
I gained, in 4 weeks- 1 stone 10 1/2lb. Yes, 24.5lb, in 4 whole weeks.
I was off plan the week before I went and gained about 1/2 stone in that week alone, so about a stone in 3 weeks, considering what I was eating and after the first week or so we were unable to go out as much due to the pesky black flies, I was accepting of it.
I got off the scales and started my brand, spanking new week! All I cared about was that number going DOWN the next week! Not much point worrying and being ashamed of the weight I put on!
The reality is- I'm officially still over eight stone lighter since I started my journey so it's not like I've put all the weight on. If I thought I had failed and felt shame then I probably would have eaten even more rubbish.
I enjoyed my trip, it was truly magical and the gain is irrelevant. In my eyes, it was worth it!
So as soon as I stepped off the scales the new week started, I planned meals, started eating the superfree and just went back to basics. I even went for long walks- over 6 miles on Wednesday, 5 miles on Thursday, 4 miles Saturday..... and today I went back to work which is a lot of moving around.
I'm hopeful for a nice loss on Tuesday, we shall see how it goes!
But- the pity pot reference is quite apt for me at the moment. I have so struggled to be back home and back in reality. I miss being in Canada and I have been so depressed. As I said before- I've just been crying constantly (ok not all the time but lots!) and I have been a wreck, my nerves have become fraught and I'm just so exhausted.
Today though, after having a chat with someone and sharing a bit myself, I have realised that I need to just keep moving. How I feel now isn't going to be forever. I need to be patient- it's a big comedown. It's ok not to be ok sometimes. We don't feel great *all* the time- that would be weird.
Last time I came home from Canada I spent 3 days in bed- I didn't talk to anyone for a while (I think apart from Marg) and I just locked myself away. At least I'm functioning, even though I don't want to be social about 99% of the time!!!
I'm coming out of it, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other- that's all any of us can do!!
On a positive- I'm getting a tattoo on Friday- 10 flutterbies, 1 for each stone I've lost. It's to recognise my own achievement, show myself how far I've come....I can't wait!
Anyway- I'm going to bed- in work tomorrow, need my rest.
Good to be back, ish. Hopefully I'll report a great loss on Tuesday!