Thursday, 28 February 2013

Feeling Brighter and Thursday's Nommage!

Good evening everyone!

Sorry this is so late- I got distracted by shiny things- nothing new there!

It's great how one day we can feel down or just be struggling (about anything) and we can sometimes wake up feeling brighter, happier and just as though the day before didn't happen.

Don't get me wrong I was still a little bit anxious going to work this morning but I didn't have a feeling of utter dread. I just turned up, worked and went home. My poor feets were so tired at the end of it-it was just over 2 1/2 hours of overtime on top of my rota'd hours- more money for the Canada fund!

I was offered a piece of homemade chocolate fudge cheesecake- trust me it looked amazing and looked like it was a weeks worth of syns! Trust me- if I wasn't doing this slim for life thing I might have just been tempted-but I want to raise money for this great cause- and all I need to do is lose a few pound! I have to put some work in- and resist that evil meany temptation fairy! So I resisted the cake- even though I wanted it soooooooo bad! It looked divine!

Anyway- the cake I made went down a treat- I had half of one of the pieces I saved for someone- because I wanted to join in- I did it of course to protect the weight loss of that member- I saved her a whole syn!

Today has been pretty ordinary- it has been sunny yet really cold lately- I have to wrap up extra warm!

Here are my noms for today, still on track- nearly half way through the week already!!

Breakfast- banana (was running late)
Break time- tomatoes and beans, 2 pieces of wholemeal bread (400g loaf-HEB) apple, pear, 2x satsumas. small piece of victoria sponge (1 syn)
Lunch- tuna mayo (1/2 syn) baked sweet potato with lettuce, pepper and pickles. Banana toffee activia (1/2)
Dinner- SW burger and chips (one with babybel light 1/3 of my HEA) with beans and salad
Supper- grapes, pineapple and berries with a yoghurt
Snacks- rocky road (3syns) muller greek style (1/2)

Syns 5 1/2,
HEA- 200ml of 1% milk and 1 babybel light
HEB- bread

Tomorrow I'm meeting up with my friend Shena- whom I haven't seen in what must be nearly a year! It's disgusting- so it'll be great to have lunch (hungry horse so it's not bad! Good choices can be made) and a catch up. Definitely going to make the most of my day off!

Right- off to catch up on my much-needed beauty sleep!

Much Love,
Tanya x

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Slight Anxiety- Wednesday Food!

Hi you lot, just a quicky.

Not much to report today- this is mainly just to share noms.

Work was hard- I've started to become quite stressed over something and it's really getting to me. My nerves are getting affected now and every time I think of going into work I suffer with anxiety....not something I need to share right now but needless to say- it's getting me down a bit.

BUT- one positive to take out of it. When I was big, I would use my anxiety as an excuse and I'd hide away, not able to face whatever the hardship is. I would get a few weeks on the sick with a sick-note off my doctor and I would isolate- in turn making me worse and making it harder to go back....most of the time I would leave the job (paid or voluntary).

Now It's not the case- I feel a panic attack coming on and I just take some deep breaths and eat some fruit (usually a banana) and that makes it better. I am not going to let anyone or anything get me to where I was mentally- at the moment it's just a mental wobble- this too will pass!!!

Got it out- now on to the most important thing- noms!

I've made the 10 syn victoria sponge again for a couple of colleagues who are on Slimming World (one is on Rosemary Conley so she's allowed a piece too!) Saved Arty a nice big piece too!

Here's my diary for today:

Breakfast- banana, berries and yoghurt
Break- tinned tomatoes and baked beans
Lunch- 2 skinny lizzies (2 syns) 2 rosemary and red onion sausages, 2 fried eggs, 4 rashers bacon, fresh and tinned tomatoes with 2 small pieces wholemeal bread (HEB)
Dinner- steak and gravy (made with gravy granules- counting 2 1/2 syns as I won't have much gravy with it) with carrots broccoli and green beans
Snacks- banana+toffee activia (1/2 syn) 2 satsumas, most of a large pineapple, large piece of 10 syn victoria sponge (2 1/2 syns) with berries.

The cake was a last minute nom- was planning on not eating any until tomorrow but it was just there!

Still 7 1/2 syns today even with a big chunk of cake!

Now, I'm going to bed- another day in work least I get a day off Friday!! Positive mental attitude.

Much Love,
Tanya x

Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Little Gain, Back on Track + Sponsored Slim!

Hi everyone! Will try and make this brief- but lot's to get through!

So- after over synning on Tuesday and a pint of sweets on Saturday- I was greeted with a 1lb gain. That's no bad considering!

Straight after weigh in I had a case of the "eff it's" though. I went to subway- fully planning on getting a 12 inch Italian BMT with cheese (about 45 syns or something- maybe more!) with 3 cookies....That was the plan. I got there- stood in the queue and a guy in front of me ordered a healthy salad box.....when it was my turn to be served? "Salad box please". I did have double meat but the meat is free apparently so......that's ok! 1 1/2 syns for the Sweet Onion dressing and that was it! Whew- must have saved myself about, what- 70 syns there??? Fantastic!

I went back to group for image therapy and enjoyed my noms, feeling pretty chuffed with myself!

It was good to feel grounded in group- someone sitting next to me (who has lost a significant amount too) has been struggling so it was good to feel that I wasn't alone- and it spurred me on a bit. There's nothing worse than feeling like you're the only person in the world who is struggling!

Anyway- I went home, getting some mince for tomorrow's dinner on the way. I baked another one of those 10 syn victoria sponges for the 5pm group. It seemed pretty popular- everyone who tried it told me they enjoyed it!

I stayed for my group (5pm) and the 7pm group. I ate my dinner before I headed out so I wasn't desperate to get back. I feel so determined for the week ahead- I'm so glad I stayed and mingled with everyone!

I've agreed to do the Slimming World's 6 weeks "Slim for Good" Sponsored Slim! (bit of a mouthful isn't it?). It's a company-wide thing but we do it for a local cause- chosen by our group. Our evening group decided on a centre dedicated to help woman who suffer from domestic violence- so that's what I'm slimming for for the next 6 weeks! I have my sponsor form at the ready!

If anyone wants to sponsor me- whether it's 10p for every pound I lose or whatever- please let me know- it's all for a good cause!!! Every bit helps and will be gratefully received!

Oh- I have decided to do a food diary PROPERLY this week- so here is my food for today (Yes- I am doing it on a Tuesday too!!!)

B- rocky road (1/2 HEB) and 2 meringue shells (1 1/2 syns) 

L- Turkey and Ham salad box (with lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, gherkin, chillis, pepper) with sweet onion dressing (just checked- it's actually 2 syns!)
D- 3 skinny lizzy sausages (3 syns) with mash, mushy peas, carrots, broccoli and sprouts. and syn free gravy.
Supper- syn free pea and ham soup (recipe when I remember!) berries and muller light yog for afters.
Snacks- 2 satsumas, 1 rocky road (1/2 heb), bakewell hifi bar (6 syns), slice and a half of my cake (1 1/2 syns) and an activia yoggy.

HEA was milk- not measured- but I have been out most of the day- still definitely within my allowance though!

So 14 syns today! On plan- awesome!! If I had that subway and cookies then that alone would have brought it up to about 80! and I know darned well that if I started I would have just carried on! It's scary- but I'm on plan and I'm focused!

Ok I am off to bed. Work tomorrow. Let's see what the day brings!

Much Love,
Tanya x

Sunday, 24 February 2013

Flutterby Q+A

First things first- guess who hit 25,000 pageviews yesterday? FAT FLUTTERBY DID!!! Who awesome? You awesome!!! Thanks to everyone who has read my rants, recipes and random posts! Thanks for commenting, messaging and just being all-round great!

Right- normal service resuming....

Ok so I've been asked many questions over the last year or so about me, my journey- so I thought- why not answer them all in one go?

You can get to know me a bit better then! There are quite a few so let's see how many I can get through....

Q) Have you always been overweight?

No- I was actually pretty skinny up until the age of about 13-14. I was a swimmer and I trained a lot- the exercise kept me thin....But when I left swimming, that's when I started putting on weight.

Q) How heavy/what dress size were you at your biggest?

Officially I joined Slimming World weighing 22 stone 7lb. However, 6 months previous I weighed over 23 stone. I managed to lose a bit before joining Slimming World.

Dress size wise I was a size 26-28 (mainly 28) and my starting measurements were 
Bust- 51inches, 
Waist 45 inches, 
Hips 53 inches and 
Thighs 34 inches

Q) What are you now/how much have you lost?

I have lost 10 stone 8.5lb so far. I am now a size 10-12 and my measurements are:
Bust- 37 inches
Waist- 30.5 inches
Hips- 41 inches
Thighs- 23.5 inches

Q) What weight loss plan do you follow?
I follow Slimming World's Extra Easy plan.

Q) What is your secret?

Well- this must be the question I get asked the most- one day I will do another post about the ins and outs of it but here is my short answer:

There is no secret!

I have a food optimising book which I use often- even now I like to read it and double check I'm doing it right!
I measure everything that needs to be measured, count everything that needs to be counted and I go to group every week, get weighed and enjoy Image Therapy. As well as moving a bit more and keeping in touch with my amazing consultant and other members in the week.

Oh and my blog of course- blogging is great to air how you feel sometimes.

So if you're following Slimming World- just stick with the basics- you can't go far wrong!

Q) Have you tried other diets?
Yes- I tried the shake diets, soup diets, eat-nothing-but-lettuce diets. As soon as I got hungry, that was it- back to the pizza and crisps!
I tried following Weight Watchers on my own but that didn't work. Calorie counting was unsuccessful.

I was offered diet pills from the doctors- I nearly went for them but the thought of the side-effects put me off.

Q) What was the final push for you to lose weight this time?

I was in University. My attendance was horrendous because of my anxiety and depression- as well as being physically extremely unfit. The last lecture I went to I got taunted and bullied by some of the students- this happened before but this time was breaking point. I went home and just cried- I had hit rock bottom- I'd had enough.

A friend of mine was doing Slimming World at the time and looking at how well she was doing and seeing all the food she could eat- it spurred me on to join my local group. Another friend gave me £25 towards a 12 week "countdown" (where you pay in advance) and I joined the following Tuesday.

Q) How did you feel about joining?

I was petrified. I couldn't cope with being around people I didn't know. I was scared about being too big for the scale, scared that people would stare at me and judge me. But I knew that this was my last chance at losing weight and I was willing to go to any lengths!

As soon as I joined up I realised that I was worrying over nothing- everyone was so friendly and supportive- especially my consultant. There was no humiliation, no shame, just support, love and kindness.

Q) How much did you lose in your first week?

I lost 6lb in my first week.

Q) Have you ever gained?

Oh goodness yes! I've had weeks where I had birthday meals or I was just out of control. I've been on holiday twice and gained both times. I don't know how many gains I've had- not including time at target it's probably about 8-10 gains. But every time I have got right back on it and got that gain off in a week or 2!

Q) Have you found losing weight hard?

That's a hard question. For the most part- not really. I wasn't restricted in my eating at all- so I didn't feel like I was missing out. I enjoyed my syns and mostly felt in control. I did, however, have weeks where I really struggled to get my head in the right place. Sometimes I have had that craving for food that has been horrendous. I'm human- I have slip ups- the most important thing is I got right back on it in the new week and started again!

Q) How long did it take you to lose weight?

Well- it took me 14 1/2 months to lose 10st 1lb and get to my initial target. I maintained for 6 months- until January of this year. I decided then to change my target and I have been up and down since....Mainly down! I have not set a new target really- so I'm going to see how I go in the next few weeks and then make a decision.

Q) Do you still go to group?

Yes I do! And I will hopefully continue to for a long time to come! Going to group every Tuesday and staying for image therapy helps me stay focused and grounded. More importantly than that- I have friends there that I see every week! It's nice to have that time with people who are on the same journey as you to bounce ideas off each other- or just to talk about every day things.

I'm part of the social team too- I am a proud member of the group and I don't plan on stopping going just yet!

Q) Have you done any exercise?

I went to the gym for about 2 weeks near the beginning (after I lost about 2 stone) but I was put off by a group of small minded men. Since then most of my body magic came from walking- just bog standard walking.

I did do some Wii Fit and Just Dance too- which are great fun!

I eased myself in gently- I could barely walk when I joined Slimming World so I started off small and just built it up- now I can walk a good 5 miles a day and not be overtired!

Q) Do you have any loose skin?

Yes- but not loads. I have a belly "apron" and bingo wings, as well as just general sagginess. I might not have a bikini-model bod, but I would much rather have a bit of loose skin than an extra 10 1/2 stone! I can do things now that I could never do at that size- a bit of loose skin isn't going to stop me! (Anyway- there are push up bras, magic knickers and corsets on the market for a reason!)

Q) What's your favourite Slimming World meal?

There are loads- Bacon and Butternut Squash Risotto, Burger and Chips and a good ol' syn free roast dinner are among my favourites! All syn free and all filling and tasty! Who needs takeaways?

Q) How many syns do you have a day? What do you use them on?

I have on average 5-8 syns every day. When I started out I tended to have the full 15 but I just found that I could fill up on all the free food and syns were that added treat. I make sure I have my minimum of 5 syns a day- it says 5-15 in the book so that's what I try to stick to. Practical experience shows that a lot of the time, having at least 5 syns a day is better for weight loss than no syns at all! (I've heard many others say that and I found it true for me too!)

I use my syns on mainly "treats" which can be an extra Rocky Road bar, Sugar free jelly or an Options hot choccie! Things like extra light mayo too. I do have takeaways every so often- something like chicken and black bean sauce from the chippy which is only about 9 syns for the portion I get (it's less for a "serving" but I tend to have more than that!)

Q) Do you use your healthy extras?

Yes- every day! They are there to be used- same as everything else- the plan works if you do all that's suggested- Healthy Extras are there for much needed fibre and calcium. So I use them and enjoy them.

I make sure I measure out when needed to (i.e. Milk etc) just to protect my weight loss.

Q) Would you like to become a consultant one day?

It's definitely something I would like to aim for in the future. I have a passion for the plan- I love Slimming World and what it has done for me- so I would definitely love to make it a career!

Ok I hope I haven't forgotten anything! It's a long one- took me a while to type this out!! If you have any more questions comment, inbox me on facebook or ask on my Facebook Page! (please like my fat flutterby page if you haven't already!)

Now- I must get to bed! I have made some speed soup- will be enjoying that in the morning!

Much Love,
Tanya x

Friday, 22 February 2013

The Social Side to Slimming World

Hi everyone, I hope you're all well!

I was out yesterday evening and it inspired me to write this. A bit different, or maybe not, I never know what I'm going to say, I just let me fingers do the typing.

Last night I went to the house of a fellow Slimming World member. A woman I have only met once. She messaged me after the blog I made the other week about my struggles and offered the hand of friendship and support. I received a few of these the day after that blog post, to which I am still grateful for. 

This lady mentioned that she had some empathy and understanding and asked if I would like a cuppa and a natter at her place. I took her up on that and we had a lovely chat. She's a member of one of Julie's earlier groups and I got a lot from talking to her. It helped me get to a point of neutrality, rather than being the emotional wreck that I was before I went to visit her.

Anyway- that's not really what I was going to talk about. 

She wrote on our Slimming World members group about having a girly night at her house- asked people to bring a SW friendly dish, just to make new friends and of course- eat lots of yummy food without breaking the syns bank!

I put myself down for it- and as the time got closer I was getting nervous....because most of the people going I had never met before and even now I struggle being around people I don't know.

I went- and within about 30 seconds that fear was gone. Syn free quorn chilli was being served up and we started talking about ourselves.

Many laughs were had- lots of tips and support- like a mini image therapy- I even passed round a packet of the Tikka mugshot like we would in group! (I've only just got hold of them- they've not sold them here- not that I could see anyway. Recently they've been selling them in our local Home Bargains for 33p each- 1syn a pack and worth it!!)

It made me think, this girly evening, about how much of Slimming World is socialising. 

Don't get me wrong- for some people it's nothing to do with that, and possibly never will be. But for me the social side is a massive part to play in my weight loss and my maintenance.

You see, when I first joined Slimming World, I didn't really speak to many people. I had a few close friends. When I went out I was full of fear and full of dread. I hated being out of my comfort zone- my comfy chair in my warm house. Socialising was so bloody hard that it was mentally exhausting and made me build up emotional walls more often- because I didn't want to let anyone in.

Sure I was cracking jokes- mainly at my own expense, but inside I was dying to just go home and hide from the world. I didn't feel safe.

Going to Slimming World, losing the weight- I started to get a little bit of confidence back. It started off talking to a group of strangers....only a bit at first but I got myself a bit more involved as time went on and as my weight went down.

I'd offer to make people a cup of tea or hot chocolate. I'd ask how their week went, shared with them how I got on or how I was feeling. Next thing I knew I was keeping in touch with one or two mid-week for that extra support and friendship.

Now, nearly 2 years on I am part of the social team. I am what I call the "Rocky Road Dealer" (I work on the shop) I talk to members all the time and my Tuesday group is "me time" where I can sit and relax, get ideas and encouragement for the week ahead and to *socialise*

I didn't join Slimming World to socialise- I joined to lose weight. I thought I'd go, lose weight and go.

Today I know it's not like that.

For me, I need that time between 4.45pm and 7.30pm on a Tuesday. I see people who I class as good friends. I look forward to going- even though I say I dread the weighing bit sometimes!! 

Going and sitting in that group, sharing how I felt and supporting others, in what I always called my "safe place"- that has helped me become a confident, happy young woman. I have a smile on my face. I'm not crippled with fear. Sure, I get it from time to time, but not half as much as I used to. I can deal with it. 

So the social side of Slimming World, that's a necessity for me now. 

I have met so many lovely people and I hope to continue to. I'm not planning on leaving just yet- I feel loved and like I belong- I want to grasp that with both hands.

I encourage anyone- if they're a member of a group but don't stay- try and find the time to. I know life can get in the way sometimes, but the support you get from people is priceless. 

If you do stay at group- if there is a new member- go out of your way to say "hello". They might not have the confidence to approach you. Offer them a cuppa or just ask how they are doing. Don't let someone sit on their own (unless they tell you they want to!) Offer the hand of support to someone else. I honestly get so much supporting others, it probably helps me more than it helps them because I learn so much!

Like I say often- we are ALL in this together- whether we've started out with 7lb to lose or 27 stone- we want to lose weight.

I tried for years doing it alone- I know I can't do it that way. There is one saying that someone told me once and it always sticks in my head:

"I Can't But We Can"

Stick together and we CAN do this.

Now I'm off to bed- work in the morning. I just wanted to share a bit with you guys.

Thanks for being part of MY journey- every single one of you

Much Love,
Tanya x

Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Cake cake caaaaaaaaaaake (and Slimmer of the Week!!)

Hellooooooooooo!!! Remember me? It's Flutterby here! Long time no speak!

I hope you've all liked my facebook page- I do updates on there when I have to do a "post" and "run". Thanks everyone for the support- We're at 150 likers!! That's amazing! Thank you all.

So where to start?

Well I had a really good week- I was focused, on plan 100% and the scales awarded me with a 3 1/2lb loss! Ok I was daftly hoping for 6 1/2 off so I could get rid of my gain in 2 weeks -but come on! I lost 6lb in just under 2 weeks, Tanya will take that one. I'm very pleased and my hard work paid off.

I also got Slimmer of the Week for the first time since around June of last year (I got to target the first week in July). I forgot what it was like to receive the tasty fruit basket! 

My friend, Sami took a picture of me with my SotW award in a new top I bought on Monday. It's a size 10 and I can't believe how slim I look- even I can see it! Sometimes I find it so hard to accept my new size, even now. But that picture- especially next to my "before" piccy really shows me how far (physically) I have come. It's amazing, empowering and a bit of an emotional moment!

Here is said picture:

I'm starting to love the hair actually! Thinking of getting a fringe cut in. The one thing that didn't seem to change in forever was my hairstyle. 

So new Tanya, that must come with a new hairstyle, right?

I always worried about short hair. I spent so long hiding my face or hiding as much of myself as possible with my long hair.....So it sounds sad but shorter hair means it's one less thing to hide behind.

I love the top- my best mate and I bought the same top- what can I say- we have amazing taste!! I even ventured out in the daytime without my comfy jeans! Who am I and what have I done with Tanya? Haha!

Anyway- I went out on Saturday night, too. Me and a few mates went into Liverpool for a little dance. I wore the gorgeous Hell Bunny dress that I bought a couple of weeks ago. The one in an EXTRA BLOODY SMALL!!!! Yes!!! I have more piccies of that too:

It was a fantastic night, I had such a laugh- I enjoyed dancing and it was great to not feel self conscious! (Ok I did a little bit but I always hated going out especially at night with drunk people around!)

Anyway back to this week- I enjoyed a lovely curry with friends after weigh in and today I was right back on plan 100%. I am aiming for 3lb off to get the rest of my gain off! I'm 8.5lb away from my 11 stone award and I would like that in the next few weeks!

I mentioned cake, didn't I? Be honest- that's the only reason why you're here, isn't it? 

I have made an amazing cake (Thanks to my amazing twin, Caz, for giving me the recipe) that is only TEN SYNS for the lot!!! And it tastes like cake!!! The picture isn't great- it was the last piece, the rest was devoured (mostly by moi to be fair!) but all the more reason to make another one soon!

My recipe is slightly different, this is my take on it (i just changed the flavouring by the way)

You need:

6 eggs
2 oz self raising flour
2 tsp baking soda
6 tbsp sweetener.
strawberry flavouring

1 Tub of Quark soft cheese
2-3tbsp sweetener
lemon flavouring.
Frozen (or fresh) berries.

1) Whisk the eggs, sweetener and flavouring to within an inch of it's life! (Use an electric whisk here- that's a necessity- whisk for a good 10 minutes until it's tripled in size)
2) Sieve and gently fold in the flour and baking soda
3) Place evenly into 2 sandwich tins and bake in the oven, gas mark 6, for about 11 minutes (I kept it in for 15)
4) Take out of the tins and leave to cool
5) Mix the quark, sweetener and lemon flavouring. Place on top of 1 of the cakes and put the other cake on top to make a "sandwich".
6) Put any left over quark mixture on the top of the cake, decorating with your berries.

That's it! It has a great consistency- I love it!! I may just make some for the members of the Tuesday 5pm group if they're very nice to me, haha.

Ok that's me for now! I'm tired- and the alarm is going off at 3.30am for work!! 

Ni night you lot!
Much Love,
Tanya x

Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Happy Pancake Day!!!!

Good evening! Only a quick one tonight (she says!!) as I need to get my bum to bed- I'm in work in the morning.

Today has been lovely- been out most of the day.

I met up with my friend Kate and I decided to get weighed a bit earlier. So we trundled off to the 1pm class. I lost 2.5lb in the last 5 days which I'm pretty chuffed with! Back to my normal day so have high hopes for this coming week.

Like I said yesterday- I would have been happy with any loss- the fact is I'm back on plan and back in control- funnily enough someone else said the exact same thing! So it's been affecting a few of us by the sound of it.

After group and a nice chat with my consultant, I walked to dad's- I haven't seen him for 4 weeks! On the way there I passed a hairdressers and decided to have my hair cut. My hairstyle hasn't changed in about 10 years so just thought I'd get it cut shorter.... It's a shock to the system but I like it.

I spent some quality time with dad and I went back to group for the 5pm one- my official group. I go there almost every week and have done since I started! I love my group.

I do the shop there- for the 5pm and 7pm group. It gives me a chance to talk to the members and get to know people better- which is great.

I came home craving pancakes-after hearing about pancakes all day! So I had a lovely dinner of quorn sticky fillets, mashed potato (1 syn for extra light mayo) and salad. Then made syn free pancakes!!

The recipe- just in case you feel the urge! (this is again, flutterby portions- so probs will serve 2! heehee)

3 eggs
3-4 Teaspoons sweetener (depending on own taste)
3-4 Drops of strawberry flavouring (it calls for vanilla- but I like to be different!

1) Seperate the white from the yolk and put into
separate bowls, 
2) Whisk the egg white until fluffy (great body magic!!) 
3) Add the sweetener, 
4) In the other bowl add the vanilla
essence then fold the yolk into the egg white
5) Heat a frying pan with frylight, add a ladel of the mix and
spread as you would a normal pancake 
6) after about 30 seconds flip over (But do be careful they are much more
delicate than a regular pancake)

That's it!

I served mine with sweetened quark and frozen berries- gorgeous!

Right I'm off to  bed- my laptop is about to run out of battery anyway- it's a sign!

I hope you all had a great Shrove Tuesday!

Much Love,

Tanya x

Monday, 11 February 2013

Weigh In Eve and Lovely Noms

Hey Everyone!

I've finally found time to sit and relax and to have a little natter with you all. 

First of all thanks for everyone who has liked my Facebook page- it's great to do mini updates and hopefully you'll all get involved too- keep me company there- it's not just my weight loss journey after all!! If you haven't liked the page already- check out "fat flutterby" on facebook or click the link on the bottom of the blog!

Anyway so I had a lovely time visiting my Uncle at the weekend. We had a couple of trips out. One of which was Whitby. It's a beautiful place- lots of hills and stairs! We walked up the "199 steps" to a little church. The view was fantastic- even though the weather was a bit miserable. I got to the top of the steps- not even out of breath and the thought hit me. "I would definitely not have been able to do this 2 years ago!" Sometimes the thought of gratitude and realising how far I have come comes to me. 

I've been thinking of how I've been feeling lately. Being out of control and a bit down on myself. When I'm in that head-space I forget how far I've actually come. I don't remember about the things that I couldn't do 2 years ago that I can now. Like walking, enjoying the fresh air. Walking up stairs- be it 15 or 199- I struggled with a couple of steps at one time- now I can run up 2 at a time with more or less no effort.

Even things like being able to get in and out of the bath without any problems.

Now that I can see how far I've come- I'm a grateful flutterby. I am not perfect- I never will be. But I am a trier. I try my best. I may stumble every so often. I may say or do the wrong things. But I am a good person. I have come so far since I started losing weight- not just physically but emotionally. I have a long, long way to go but that is ok. I love learning so I'd hate to have learned everything that I need to learn!

So I say to anyone struggling that is reading this- just keep trying. Get up in the morning and ask yourself "what can I do today to better myself?". Whether it's exercising a bit longer, eating a bit healthier or just trying to keep a more positive attitude- try your best every day and things will work out! I know these things!

Anyway- enough of the philosophical stuff- on to the food! Heehee.

I've tried a few things lately. But today I had something simple- chicken wrapped in bacon. Usually I use Philadelphia Light as part of my HEA but I decided that I wanted milk instead and I didn't want to spend my syns on cheese. SO! I thought "hmm- let's get the quark out"

Now- you guys- I hope you know what Quark is- because it's pretty awesome and best of all SYN FREE! It's a fat free soft cheese and it's so versatile. You can use it for sweet and savoury dishes.

Tip though- never ever ever ever eat it on it's own- unless you like the taste of NOTHING!! It just tastes bland on it's own so have it with something- be it sweetener and hot chocolate to make a cheesecake or tasty herby things to make a savoury sauce!

So- here is my chicken wrapped in bacon!

You need:
2x chicken breasts
4x rashers bacon- fat removed
60g quark
couple splashes Worcestershire sauce
garlic and cajun chicken spices (to taste)

1) Mix the quark, garlic, spices and worcestershire sauce together (if you don't like any of these use any herbs you like- mixed herbs, chilli powder, anything!)
2) Slice the chicken horizontally but not completely slicing in half- so there is a little "pouch"
3) Stuff the breast with a spoon of the quark mixture
4) Wrap 2 rashers of bacon around the the chicken.
5) Wrap in foil, place on a tray and bake in the oven on gas mark 6 for approximately 30-40 minutes.
6) 5 minutes before serving open up the foil and put back in the oven to crisp up the bacon a bit.

Voila! Tasty meal! I made up a low fat Supernoodles (syn free if it's the low fat variety!) and served my chicken up with the noodles and a tasty salad.

If you don't have a huge appetite then 1 breast will be more than enough!

Anyway- so I'm looking forward to weigh in tomorrow evening- it's only been a 5 day week but I've been in control- that's all that matters to me- I hope to lose some of the big gain- but any loss will be good! The most important thing is that my eating is back to normal, I'm on plan and I'm in control!!

Tomorrow is pancake day so I'm planning on making some low-syn pancakes! If they work out then I might just have a recipe for you all!

Much Love,
Tanya x

Fat Flutterby on Facebook!

Friday, 8 February 2013

New Attitude, New Week and New Yoghurts!

Hi everyone, just a quickie from me.

I want to thank all who have emailed, texted, inboxed and commented in regards to my last blog post. I was overwhelmed and humbled by the support and love that I received.

Before I forget- I have created a Facebook page for this blog. So I can do little posts or post pictures etc. So please please like the page if you have a second! Click here to take you to the page! Or just search "fat flutterby" in the Facebook search box. Thanks muchly!!

Anyway- I decided to face the scales after all- there is no shame in a gain! No matter how big the gain is. Like I have said to other members before- how will I know how well I've done this week if I didn't get weighed?

There is a Slimming World group by where my Uncle lives, here near Middlesbrough (Flutterby is well travelled this week!) So I decided to go there.

The black box was not nice to me- 9lb on in so may days- but it could have been so much worse! So I was relieved to have got it over and done with. It was a lovely group. There was a tasting session and got loads of recipe ideas- which I will hopefully try out when I get back home.

I started back on plan on Wednesday morning. My last blog was needed for closure I think. A week of not being in control was taking its toll on me and I was isolating. Once I shared about how I was feeling that's when I got my mojo back.

Started off well and I have been 100% since. I've been very mindful with what I have eaten and not picked as much. The fact that I'm not at home right now might be helping with that!!

Weigh in will be my normal day and time- Tuesday at 5pm. So that is 4 day left to make it happen. I don't want to set myself a big target to lose in this week- but I am focused, determined and on plan- and hopefully the scales will be nice to me! 

I've had a lovely day today. My uncle took me to Whitby. We did lots of walking (body magic=good!). We took lots of photos of the scenery and went for lunch in a lovely tearoom. I had roast beef, veggies and some mash, 2 roasties and a teeny bit of gravy (those are my only syns for today!)

Tonight's dinner will be chicken stirfry and rice. I love stirfry- nice and quick and very filling. I bought some of my favourite yoghurts today- Activia Snackpots. I find them much nicer than muller lights- but they've been taken off the 10 for £4 offer in Asda lately. But we were in the Co-op and they were on offer- 4 for £2.

I was looking at the flavour and I was shocked to find a new flavour! Why was I not told about this???

Juicy Pineapple! I love pineapple!

Do you know what's even better? 


Woohoo! Fantastic. I just hope that my local Co-op sells it too!!

Anyway- so much for a short post!!

But I'm back, I've not given up and I know that we CAN do this

Much Love
Tanya x

Tuesday, 5 February 2013

My name is Tanya...

and I am really struggling right now! I didn't really want to blog about this but I really need to post about how bad this is- maybe, just maybe, it will take the power out of it. I have always been told to share when I'm struggling with all aspects of my life so here goes.

I was over the moon getting my 10 1/2 stone award last Tuesday- but it feels like a million miles away to where I am right now. 

I have been completely out of control with my eating all week. Not just one evening or a day, all. bloody. week. From eating probably 1/2 of a whole christmas cake, chippy meals, chocolate, bread, more bread, cheese, butter- you get the idea, right? I find myself at every available opportunity sneaking food left, right and centre and eating it....sometimes in sight of others but a lot of the time on the sly- when people are in bed or when I'm out.

Basically I have resorted back to type. This is what the "old" Tanya, before Slimming World used to do- hiding food, sneaking wrappers into public bins, or if I had to put it in a bin at home I would put it in another bag, or at the bottom of the bin.

I see the insanity. Something I have been given is that ability to see when I am going mad. What I struggle with, however is getting out of this insanity when I am in it. I find myself stuffing myself with crap and crying because I don't want to do it and I am WILLING myself not to. Yet I still do it. I have a few people in my life who believe that everything is about willpower. I know more people who think because I've lost the weight that I have a lot of it- but I don't. I am completely powerless over many things- I have a very addictive personality- I've been addicted to drink, drugs, food, relationships, shopping, gambling......the list goes on. I am just one of those people that can't just have "one" of something. I have to keep going until I'm in a state- either off my face, full to the point that I feel sick or financially poor.

Drink and drugs have no part of my life now- anyone who knows me already knows that I haven't drunk or used any illegal substance for over 5 years. But food always is a problem.

It's so hard to control food when you're someone who can't help but overeat. Not drinking was so much easier for one reason- you abstain from it. I found it immensly hard, don't get me wrong- I had to work hard to put the drink down and I still work the principles that got me sober in the first place. But with food- you still have to eat- otherwise you will suffer from a case of mild to moderate DEATH. So I have to eat food- which I am addicted to- so I can't get rid of those cravings as easily.

I think I'm finding this so hard now because I am suffering from a bit of mental tug-o-war. People around me are telling me to stop losing weight when the reality is- I just don't want to. I'm logical a lot of the time and I know the people who told me are right to a point. I have a healthy BMI, I am nearly 6 foot tall and size 12. But my illogical side likes to shout every so often. I still think I'm fat. I don't like what I see in the mirror sometimes. I hate my loose skin. I hate the stretchmarks and I hate the fact that even though I've lost over 10 stone, I can't wear the majority of clothes in the normal shops. I still think I'm ugly. I don't like a lot about myself. 

It breaks my heart because I get so many messages off people and comments face to face- saying how much of an inspiration I am and how great I am. Yeah I've lost weight- that's a big achievement. But that is by no means the be all and end all,

The biggest obstacle has always been me. My head. My thinking. This is what I need to work on and I try, boy do I try. Some days it's such a hard battle. Some days I just can't face the world and getting up and going to work or going about my day is such a battle. Especially painting on the smile and trying not to let people know how  much I'm hurting. I've been a burden for too long, now that I've lost the weight I just feel like I'm being a pain if I'm sitting around upset, wallowing in my own misery. 

I've put about a stone on in a week. That's not even exaggerating. I wish I were. I feel so much bigger, I see it, it hurts. 

I'm hoping that now I've written this I can start again. I didn't get weighed this week- I couldn't face it. But I am going to try this week- back to basics- and get weighed next week. I will face the damage and go from there....

I don't want sympathy, that's not my aim for posting this. I *need* help. I *need* support. I may have lost nearly half my body weight but I am not, nor will I ever be, immune. People joke about having a thin girl inside trying to get out. Fat Tanya is still inside, she'll always be there- and she's dying to come back. But I don't want her back. I might be upset, hurting emotionally and a teeny bit of a wreck but at least I can go out for a walk outside, at least I can get upstairs without getting out of breath. I can sit here with my legs crossed. I can have a bath and not struggle to get in and out.... I am so much happier compared to where I was. I don't want to be back there. 

My name is Tanya and I can't do this by myself. I need my friends and family. I need my Slimming World friends and family too! 

I would not have got this far without you guys- and I am eternally grateful. I know we are all in this together.

This too shall pass- I'm not going to be beaten!!!!!!!!!
Watch this space!

Much Love,
Tanya x