Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Popcorn-Free Day and Portion Control!

Hi blogees- happy Wednesday!

I am feeling positive- even though it has been a mix bag kinda day. 

Work was ok even though my nerves were a bit bad, I left on my rota'd hours, rather than stay like I do if it's busy just because I didn't want to get into the realms of the evil panic attack. I walked home in the sunshine and made myself a healthy lunch of left over quorn chicken from yesterday, aunt bessies carrot and swede mash (half a bag's worth) and some more low- syn coleslaw (1/2 syn)

I then got a message off my brother and a voicemail off my dad. My Great Uncle passed away last night/this morning. He has been ill for a while, and it is sad to hear of his passing. My granddad was quite close to him (they were brothers in laws but they both lost their wives so they had a common bond). So it is a sad day but I am glad that Uncle Roy is no  longer suffering.

The rest of my day was really good. I went to the pictures (cinema) for the first time in 7 years! Last time I was smuggling a 14 year old Niall in to see Saw II. This time it was a more pleasant movie- Monsters University (I am a great Monsters Inc fan and I loved this movie!)

Well of course the pictures usually means popcorn- right? I have to say it was miiiiiighty tempting! But my friend and I went to the local hungry horse for dinner (the usual Piri Piri chicken skewers, jacket spud and nekkid salad for me) being such a light weight I left a load! I was genuinely satisfied and even though I wanted to keep eating I didn't need to- even though I did finish my chicken and eat the onion off the side salad. But it is progress- usually I eat until I feel ill, just to finish the food- but that is not necessary! It's tough going but I'm taking this each day as it comes. I don't need to overeat. It's not just about weight loss with me you see- I need and want to stop obsessing about food. The help I am getting is really good. One day I will talk about it just not today.

Anyway- on the way back to the cinema I popped into Morrisons and got myself a punnet of grapes and fresh raspberries for me to munch on and bought a diet coke when I was there. I felt positively saintly!

I had a nice chat with my friend in New York for a bit and then decided to post this! Now it is time to get ready for my bed, as 4.30 is going to get here very soon! 

So my food diary for today: (Extra Easy day!)

Breakfast- muller light yog, 1 WW sausage (1/2 syn) 2 fried eggs, tin beans, 60g Wholemeal bread (HEB)
Break time- banana, 2 satsumas, apple, 2 rocky roads (6 syns)
Lunch- Quorn pieces, Aunt Bessies carrot and swede mash (free), coleslaw (1/2). Bag smartprice fruit and yoghurt 

Dinner- 2 piri piri chicken skewers (2 syns for the sauce) jacket spud, salad.
Supper- rest of the carrot and swede mash with 30g reduced fat cheddar (part of HEA)
Snacks- 2 WW sausages (1 syn) 1/2 punnet grapes, punnet raspberries, yoghurt. 

Drinks- water, juice, diet coke (trying to cut back) and 2 cups of tea with measured milk (accurately making up rest of HEA)

10 syns today- more than I usually have but still well within my allowance- I do not feel deprived and I am happy!

So on plan- positive and looking forward to another great day on plan tomorrow!

Much Love,
Tanya x

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Tuesday, 16 July 2013

That was disappointing!

Hi guys- happy Tuesday (even though I'm not feeling overly joyous could be worse!)

Just a quick one- since it is waaaaay past my bedtime!

Today I got weighed and the scales said I had put 1/2lb on. I was gutted. Even though I have not been the usual "yay totally on plan I'm so excited!" kinda flutterby like I usually am, I was still in control all week. So I felt cheated. I left group crying- just not in the mood to face everyone.

Then I was told that I was running away from things that (even though she was right) was an easy resentment to pick up! Truth be told- I just didn't want to hear anything positive about it- I gained, I don't know why, yes it might have been water, it might have been anything or everything possible. 

I also didn't want to hear the words "look how far you have come" or "but you're doing so well". Yes, I am- and I have.....but that would not have helped with my low confidence and low mood, that's for sure! I also still get the "you're such an inspiration" line which is nice in part- and it makes me happy that I am helping others along with their journey, even just for identification purposes. But when you are struggling with your own demons- hearing that is a bit like a kick in the gut. Because I have felt like a fraud- when I have been sitting at group all positive then going home and binging (and I mean a proper binge- not 2 slices of toast with a bit of jam on!)

But I went home, talked it through a bit with a friend and then had lunch. I then made a huge bowl of low syn coleslaw. 3 1/2 syns and it filled 2 tubs- the only syns were the mayo. More on that another day.

Then my friend Niki came over, she helped me grate carrots. It was back to group after that and I was there til 7.30.

I have been feeling really depressed today, but I have been sticking with people- because I didn't want to isolate. I am overtired and miserable....but I am also feeling a bit of hope- because I havent binged or been off plan all day (for 2 1/2 weeks actually)

I just hope that the number on the scales goes DOWN next week! We shall see.

Anyway so I am going to keep a food diary- and when I can get piccies from my phone to my computer I will show you my food too!!!

So my food diary for today:

2 alpen lights (HEB 1) 
WW yog with spoon quark mixed in (makes it thicker and creamier)

stir fry veg w/ 2xrosemary and red onion sausages + egg fried rice, soy sauce, chives and spring onion.

quorn chicken pieces with passata, mushrooms and herbs, 
salad leaves (fresh from the greenhouse) tomatoes, pickled onions, cucumber, 
40g reduced fat cheddar (HEA 1)
homemade low syn coleslaw (1/2 syn ish) 
muller light+quark for pud.

3x rocky road bars (HEB 2 + 3 syns) 
tin smartprice ravioli (1 1/2 syns), 
muller light with cherry underlayer (1 1/2 syns)

I have drank lots of water and cordial to stay hydrated and my second HEA was used in teas and coffees through the day (2 small cups not measured as was at a meeting and it came from a pot- but definitely not gone over)

Feel better than before- just going to keep plodding along. I have survived today with a cool 6 1/2 syns nommed. Tomorrow I have my fruit ready for my break in work- setting my alarm to have a cooked breakfast before I go (sausage, bacon, egg on toast, maybe beans too) then my fruit in my break at 9.30. I have chicken to have for lunch, probably with the stir fry veggies left over and rice. Dinner is going to be at the local Harvester- my friend Louise and I are going to the pictures (my first time there in 7 years!) I will have a bag of fruit and some rocky roads so I'm not tempted with the popcorn and sweets- but I will buy my diet coke there- just to be polite!

Ok off to bed for me- need my rest- to shift this headache I have.

Much Love,
Tanya x

Saturday, 6 July 2013

Up, Down, Up, Down.....Nearly There (again!)

Hey there readers!

I have been just in a funk lately in terms of writing (good old writers block!) but a brief read of someone elses blog I thought I may as well give a post a go! I've had people say they're worried because I'm so quiet (moi?) but rest assured I am ok!

So- what's going on with flutterby?

Have I mentioned yet that I am going to New York? I don't think I have! Well, I am! I'm going on 23rd September for 19 days. I have a friend who lives over there, so I am going to keep her company and spend some time in the peace an quiet. Rest and recuperation! I'm really looking forward to it. I'm working as much overtime as possible to get enough money for spends because I want to spend a day in NYC to do the touristy thing- and that place is the London of the USA- mega overpricey! So that's exciting to say the least!

My mood has been picking up lately, I'm keeping busy, being kind to myself and distracting myself by helping and being kind to others- it's amazing how getting out of self helps to get you out of a funk!

Last weigh in was a gain- 4lb to be exact. I lost every week in June- with a total of 9.5lb. Then I just went into self destruct mode. 2 days I binged on rubbish and felt sick afterwards. After talking to a friend I decided to get some help with the overeating side of things. It's going well, with support of people who know what I suffer with. I don't just mean I overeat by a few extra chocolate biscuits- its a few packets, and uber carbs, basically anything I can stuff in my mouth I do- until I feel ill. That's not normal, hence why I'm getting help.

It's been 8 days since my last binge- and I'm just taking it each day as it comes!

I have been 100% on plan since Tuesday (before Tuesday but that's when my new week started) I feel controlled, not starved myself but watched what I have eaten. I have had a decent breakfast before work (4-5am starts I definitely need a full belly!) and that keeps me going til break time which is usually fruit.

Today I had my first Green day of the week. This is what I ate:

Breakfast- 60g wholemeal bread, 2 scrambled eggs. WW yoggie
Break- 2 rocky roads (forgot my fruit!)
Lunch- tin beans, bag smartprice frozen fruit WW yog
Dinner- quorn chilli, rice, 40g reduced fat cheddar
snacks- hot choccie (3 syns) rocky road (3 syns) muller light greek style (1/2 syn)

So 6 1/2 syns all day- and 2 HEB+2 HEA (the second one was measured milk in my tea.

I am going to get the recipe books out and get cooking- simple things like chicken wrapped in bacon sounds fab! I might have that tomorrow actually- with carrot and swede mash. Yum!

Anyway- I am up for work in 6 hours so must go.

Everything is ok here- thanks for the words of encouragement guys- I'm just keeping it simple. Only 7lb to target and I *will* get there- sooner rather than never!

Much Love,
Tanya x