Monday, 29 April 2013

Flutterby is in Canada!

Hi guys! Today is a lazy day so thought I would post one of these babies up- I know you've missed me!

So I set off on my trip to Canada on Wednesday- everything went swimmingly- no delays and we even got an earlier bus from Montreal to Ottawa so we didn't have to wait an extra 2 hours- just what was needed after being up for nearly 24 hours!

For people who don't know- I'm staying with my friend Marg, someone I've known for about 4 years. She's been my rock on many occasions. When I was at my worst she always had time for an msn chat or 2.

I was here 3 years ago- when I was at my biggest and probably at one of my lowest ebbs. Even though I had a good time I came back disappointed because there was so much I couldn't do- either because of my size (couldn't go for walks) or because of my mental state (hated going out in crowds, it brought on panic attacks). 

What upset me the most was the lack of photographs. There were a few- in fact nearly all of my "before" pictures were taken while I was there. But I came back with less than 70 pictures and about 5 of them were of me.

I'm sure a lot of people can identify with the fact that when I was big- I tried to avoid the camera. I was a bit of a fat ninja- as soon as one came out I was ducking and diving trying to avoid them. It was hard to hide behind people when I was over 23 stone!!!

I actually had a couple of pictures taken with Marg, which show a bit of a change. Only in me though- in 3 years she hasn't even changed! heehee.

Anyway- so much has changed in the last 3 years. Not just because of the weight loss- but the confidence, happiness and willingness to just do stuff too! I've been here 5 days and already I've taken more pictures than in the 3 weeks last time and there are a few pictures of me! Awesome!

We have had a couple of trips out too.

Marg, her daughter Rebecca and I went on a walk around Calabogie on friday (that's where we are right now) I had to post  couple of things so it was a pleasant 2k walk each way, with some picture taking on the way! 

On Saturday we went into Ottawa to a craft fair. My friend, Benita had a stall there- selling jewellery and pendants. She specialises in healing stones. (Actually check out her Facebook page some of the pieces are amazing!) Then we went on a shopping trip to Costco- or as I have no named it- sample city!! So many samples- I barely needed food.....even though I bought a slice of pizza while I was there- massive piece and mega tasty!

I've not really been on plan much but we are eating well. I'm having most of my veggies without butter, just boiled and the meat is de-fatted after cooking so there are things like that. I've even cut up pineapples and berries to snack on! Of course- we have tasty fat-free yoghurt in the fridge (it's activia which is pretty much a safe bet) I am eating rubbish, like having doughnuts in Tim Hortons with an Iced Capp but hey- I'm in Canada you kinda HAVE to do these things here!

But I have made decent choices- which is habit for me now- I have been doing this for 2 years so anything you do for this length of time really is a habit!

Anyway so I am making the most of my new lease of life by making the most of my valuable time with Marg and the rest of my Canadian family!

So it's my birthday on Saturday. I was saying to Marg and Becca yesterday- 25 is actually a milestone for me. I remember having a chat with a friend just before joining Slimming World, after the bullying in university and realising that my physical health was declining. I said that I was that desperate to do something, because I knew that if I didn't, I wouldn't make it to 25. If it wasn't due to nature, I probably would have tried to end my own life. I was at a point even then, in 2011 that I didn't want to live. I was miserable, felt like a failure and I couldn't do anything that I wanted to do....

But hey- look at me now! That is definitely not the case. I might not have a degree, a big house, great career and loads of money in the bank. But I have a job, some money saved the love and respect of my friends and family and I have actually turned my life around. 

There are 5 days until my birthday so hey- might not even make it to 25 after all but I have a pretty decent chance eh? People who have read this blog for a while know that I reflect on the last few years every so often and I have been doing that. I just love my life right now. The day before I went to Canada I spent the evening with my Mum, Niall and Jamie, my Nana and some of my best friends. It was an early birthday meal (Curry night- what else??) I had a great evening and I was so happy that people wanted to spend time with me. It wasn't always like that so sometimes I can be a it soppy thinking about it. 

So I'm such a happy flutterby right now. It didn't happen overnight, it took a lot of hard work- physically and mentally. But all I did was put one foot in front of the other, stayed honest with my feelings, kept in touch with people in my support network and I didn't give up!!! 

So anyone reading that's struggling- don't you dare give up! Tough times do not last forever. Just dust yourself and get back up. You are worth the effort- please don't forget that!

Anyway- time for dinner and to get back to being a social Flutterby!

Thanks for being on my journey with me!

Much Love,
Tanya x

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

Great Day!

Hi blogees! Just a quick one from me.

I got weighed at 1pm today- was greeted with a half pound gain. I'm happy- considering how out of control I was for 3 whole days. I started my day positively and I am sticking with the plan of action that I pledged yesterday!

I went to the 5pm group, after shopping and nattering with a friend. Then I went to visit dad for a bit.

My extra body magic was in the form of walking home from dad's but taking a detour- so instead of 15 minutes it was 40 minutes. I felt better for it- even though my ankle is giving me a bit of annoyance.

My food for today:

Breakfast- WW yog

Lunch- turkey breast and ham salad box (double meat) and sweet onion dressing (2 syns) and 2 cherry bakewell hifi bars (HEB+ 6 syns)
Dinner- Chicken and Black Bean sauce (8 syns worth) with boiled rice.
Snacks- tin baked beans, WW yog, caramelised ginger sample (teeny bit- 1/2syn)

So a little over my syns- 16 1/2. But in control, which is the main thing!

Tomorrow is "Red Hot" day! But going to have a decent breakfast and dinner so just going to be lunch that's going to be uber syns- but that's ok- that's 1 meal- as long as I don't sabotage I'll be really happy!

Ok- here's to a great week- hopefully!

Much Love,
Tanya x <----join me on facebook!

Monday, 8 April 2013

Another Line, Another Go

Hi everyone, about time I got posting!

I have been up and down, up and down and so on lately. I'd have a good day, or 2, or 3....then *boom* self sabotage appears and I just go "sod it" and eat about 5 times the amount that I should be eating.

This has been a common theme lately and it was only yesterday did it start to dawn on me that this really is serious and it's something I need to look at more. If I don't then the 20+ stone mark will be back before I know it.

My pants are teeeeeeerribly tight- both my jeans and work tummy looks like one off one of those little buddahs and I am feeling lethargic and just generally grumpy.

It is so damn easy to fall into that rut of eating and eating- for the sake of it most of the time- because it's there. It takes a lot of effort, will power in some cases and determination to get out of said rut and get back on plan....

Today- ok not perfect on plan but it is better! I ate some fruit....I had an original day so lots of meat and things. I did have a teeny piece of birthday cake in my break today but I did stop at that! I nommed my fruit and tomatoes and didn't have any more uber syns!

It's progress!

Tomorrow- it's going to be ugly. I'm getting weighed earlier, which believe it or not is worse for me. I am working so I'll have been up since 4.30 and I'll have just eaten, as well as having to keep hydrated more, lots of water!

But I need to get weighed. So I'm going to- and that's ok.

This week is going to be hard- I'm laying it out there now. I have a meal out tomorrow night (Indian- must stay away from the naan bread!!) and to an all-you-can-eat buffet on Wednesday. But there is no reason why I shouldn't lose next week anyway. That's 2 meals! One of which I can make decent choices. 

After tomorrow there are TWO weigh ins until my trip to Canada! (16 days to go- omg!!) and I want to be less than I am now- that's for sure! I want my clothes to fit. I want my energy back so I can enjoy myself! Any most importantly- my confidence has taken a dip lately and I want that confidence back!!!! It's amazing how something so subtle can knock the confidence you've spent ages trying to build up. 

So- this is really is. No, no I know I've said it before. I have done this before- I haven't messed up or failed- just a minor blip..... watch this space!!!

This is currently more-flabby-than-I-want-to-be Flutterby's plan of action over the next 7 days:

1) Food Diary- no matter what, write it down. I am saying now the ONLY exception is what is going to be nommed at Red Hot. What happens at Red Hot- stays at Red Hot! But everything else- if I nibble, I scribble

2) Body Magic- it's kinda limited at the moment due to hurting my neck AGAIN! But it doesn't stop me from walking. I am not counting the walk to work and back as body magic. I am going to do half an hour every day of EXTRA exercise/activity. Mostly walking- my neck can't take much more than that.

3) I am going to live in the day- simples, not worry about the whole week ahead but just get up- plan my day and follow it through! 

4) Going to be kind to myself- that'll be harder. But it's something we ALL need to do. People are all too willing to judge us and be nasty to us- we have to stick up for ourselves and be kind to us! Even if it's just smiling in the mirror- thinking something positive about myself and realising that I am worth the effort!

Only 4 points- keeping it simple this week!

Brand new week starts right....



The line is drawn and there is nothing I can do about the last few weeks- so I am not going to dwell on it. What's the point? Exactly- there isn't one!

Feeling positive now that I've got this out- fantastic!

So we shall see what this week brings eh? But the countdown to Canada is well and truly on!

Great to be back!

Much Love,

Tanya x

Join me on facebook! xx