So I set off on my trip to Canada on Wednesday- everything went swimmingly- no delays and we even got an earlier bus from Montreal to Ottawa so we didn't have to wait an extra 2 hours- just what was needed after being up for nearly 24 hours!
For people who don't know- I'm staying with my friend Marg, someone I've known for about 4 years. She's been my rock on many occasions. When I was at my worst she always had time for an msn chat or 2.
I was here 3 years ago- when I was at my biggest and probably at one of my lowest ebbs. Even though I had a good time I came back disappointed because there was so much I couldn't do- either because of my size (couldn't go for walks) or because of my mental state (hated going out in crowds, it brought on panic attacks).
What upset me the most was the lack of photographs. There were a few- in fact nearly all of my "before" pictures were taken while I was there. But I came back with less than 70 pictures and about 5 of them were of me.
I'm sure a lot of people can identify with the fact that when I was big- I tried to avoid the camera. I was a bit of a fat ninja- as soon as one came out I was ducking and diving trying to avoid them. It was hard to hide behind people when I was over 23 stone!!!
I actually had a couple of pictures taken with Marg, which show a bit of a change. Only in me though- in 3 years she hasn't even changed! heehee.
Anyway- so much has changed in the last 3 years. Not just because of the weight loss- but the confidence, happiness and willingness to just do stuff too! I've been here 5 days and already I've taken more pictures than in the 3 weeks last time and there are a few pictures of me! Awesome!
We have had a couple of trips out too.
Marg, her daughter Rebecca and I went on a walk around Calabogie on friday (that's where we are right now) I had to post couple of things so it was a pleasant 2k walk each way, with some picture taking on the way!
On Saturday we went into Ottawa to a craft fair. My friend, Benita had a stall there- selling jewellery and pendants. She specialises in healing stones. (Actually check out her Facebook page some of the pieces are amazing!) Then we went on a shopping trip to Costco- or as I have no named it- sample city!! So many samples- I barely needed food.....even though I bought a slice of pizza while I was there- massive piece and mega tasty!
I've not really been on plan much but we are eating well. I'm having most of my veggies without butter, just boiled and the meat is de-fatted after cooking so there are things like that. I've even cut up pineapples and berries to snack on! Of course- we have tasty fat-free yoghurt in the fridge (it's activia which is pretty much a safe bet) I am eating rubbish, like having doughnuts in Tim Hortons with an Iced Capp but hey- I'm in Canada you kinda HAVE to do these things here!
But I have made decent choices- which is habit for me now- I have been doing this for 2 years so anything you do for this length of time really is a habit!
Anyway so I am making the most of my new lease of life by making the most of my valuable time with Marg and the rest of my Canadian family!
So it's my birthday on Saturday. I was saying to Marg and Becca yesterday- 25 is actually a milestone for me. I remember having a chat with a friend just before joining Slimming World, after the bullying in university and realising that my physical health was declining. I said that I was that desperate to do something, because I knew that if I didn't, I wouldn't make it to 25. If it wasn't due to nature, I probably would have tried to end my own life. I was at a point even then, in 2011 that I didn't want to live. I was miserable, felt like a failure and I couldn't do anything that I wanted to do....
But hey- look at me now! That is definitely not the case. I might not have a degree, a big house, great career and loads of money in the bank. But I have a job, some money saved the love and respect of my friends and family and I have actually turned my life around.
There are 5 days until my birthday so hey- might not even make it to 25 after all but I have a pretty decent chance eh? People who have read this blog for a while know that I reflect on the last few years every so often and I have been doing that. I just love my life right now. The day before I went to Canada I spent the evening with my Mum, Niall and Jamie, my Nana and some of my best friends. It was an early birthday meal (Curry night- what else??) I had a great evening and I was so happy that people wanted to spend time with me. It wasn't always like that so sometimes I can be a it soppy thinking about it.
So I'm such a happy flutterby right now. It didn't happen overnight, it took a lot of hard work- physically and mentally. But all I did was put one foot in front of the other, stayed honest with my feelings, kept in touch with people in my support network and I didn't give up!!!
So anyone reading that's struggling- don't you dare give up! Tough times do not last forever. Just dust yourself and get back up. You are worth the effort- please don't forget that!
Anyway- time for dinner and to get back to being a social Flutterby!
Thanks for being on my journey with me!
Much Love,
Tanya x
https://www.facebook.com/FatFlutterby
No comments:
Post a Comment