That was disappointing!

Hi guys- happy Tuesday (even though I'm not feeling overly joyous but....it could be worse!)

Just a quick one- since it is waaaaay past my bedtime!

Today I got weighed and the scales said I had put 1/2lb on. I was gutted. Even though I have not been the usual "yay totally on plan I'm so excited!" kinda flutterby like I usually am, I was still in control all week. So I felt cheated. I left group crying- just not in the mood to face everyone.

Then I was told that I was running away from things that (even though she was right) was an easy resentment to pick up! Truth be told- I just didn't want to hear anything positive about it- I gained, I don't know why, yes it might have been water, it might have been anything or everything possible. 

I also didn't want to hear the words "look how far you have come" or "but you're doing so well". Yes, I am- and I have.....but that would not have helped with my low confidence and low mood, that's for sure! I also still get the "you're such an inspiration" line which is nice in part- and it makes me happy that I am helping others along with their journey, even just for identification purposes. But when you are struggling with your own demons- hearing that is a bit like a kick in the gut. Because I have felt like a fraud- when I have been sitting at group all positive then going home and binging (and I mean a proper binge- not 2 slices of toast with a bit of jam on!)

But I went home, talked it through a bit with a friend and then had lunch. I then made a huge bowl of low syn coleslaw. 3 1/2 syns and it filled 2 tubs- the only syns were the mayo. More on that another day.

Then my friend Niki came over, she helped me grate carrots. It was back to group after that and I was there til 7.30.

I have been feeling really depressed today, but I have been sticking with people- because I didn't want to isolate. I am overtired and miserable....but I am also feeling a bit of hope- because I havent binged or been off plan all day (for 2 1/2 weeks actually)

I just hope that the number on the scales goes DOWN next week! We shall see.

Anyway so I am going to keep a food diary- and when I can get piccies from my phone to my computer I will show you my food too!!!

So my food diary for today:

breakfast- 
2 alpen lights (HEB 1) 
WW yog with spoon quark mixed in (makes it thicker and creamier)

lunch- 
stir fry veg w/ 2xrosemary and red onion sausages + egg fried rice, soy sauce, chives and spring onion.

dinner- 
quorn chicken pieces with passata, mushrooms and herbs, 
salad leaves (fresh from the greenhouse) tomatoes, pickled onions, cucumber, 
40g reduced fat cheddar (HEA 1)
homemade low syn coleslaw (1/2 syn ish) 
muller light+quark for pud.

snacks- 
3x rocky road bars (HEB 2 + 3 syns) 
tin smartprice ravioli (1 1/2 syns), 
muller light with cherry underlayer (1 1/2 syns)

I have drank lots of water and cordial to stay hydrated and my second HEA was used in teas and coffees through the day (2 small cups not measured as was at a meeting and it came from a pot- but definitely not gone over)

Feel better than before- just going to keep plodding along. I have survived today with a cool 6 1/2 syns nommed. Tomorrow I have my fruit ready for my break in work- setting my alarm to have a cooked breakfast before I go (sausage, bacon, egg on toast, maybe beans too) then my fruit in my break at 9.30. I have chicken to have for lunch, probably with the stir fry veggies left over and rice. Dinner is going to be at the local Harvester- my friend Louise and I are going to the pictures (my first time there in 7 years!) I will have a bag of fruit and some rocky roads so I'm not tempted with the popcorn and sweets- but I will buy my diet coke there- just to be polite!

Ok off to bed for me- need my rest- to shift this headache I have.

Much Love,
Tanya x