Hi everyone, happy saturday! I hope you are well and having a good weekend.
This week eating wise is going pretty good- not had more than 5 syns each day- and it's not that I've been restricting myself- I've filled up on free food and been enjoying my syns on the likes of options hot chocolate, jelly, meringues and even eating out! It can be done!
I'm doing the 30 day squat challenge at the moment, which is X number of squats every day (with a few rest days) for 30 days. It's meant to help tone your bum and legs, which I need!
Well today is day 9 and I have to do 100 today!! Sound so daunting! 2 days ago I did 80 and I didn't think that would be possible so I'm just going to do it and feel good for doing it!
This is the challenge if anyone wants to join me:
I've taken my measurements for "before" so on the day 16 rest day I'm going to measure myself and after the 30 days too- just to see if there is a change- I sure hope so!
Anyway- so what is going on with me? What's with the blog title?
Well- I am struggling with head demons at the moment- I have done for about a month now. I've been in a bit of a depression lately. I am on medication for that and my anxiety, which I reduced when I got back from Canada and my doctor, concerned for my health, swiftly put me back up to the higher dosage. My anxiety did get really bad and my depression even worse.
I don't mind sharing this- I am not ashamed of having a mental illness and who knows, one of you might be reading this and need some identification- you might get it- that is a good thing- it's good to know that you're not alone- I know that for me, knowing someone else has been through this, through anything I'm going through- and has got through it, I get a bit of hope. So that's why I'm sharing this.
Of course- sharing crap always helps me too.
Anyway- I began to get worried when I was at work a week last Thursday. I managed to get into work, barely. I got on with my job but I couldn't even make eye contact with people and barely string a sentence together. I was using all my energy to do my job, I had a complete inability to do more than 1 thing. I got home and just sat in bed. I got a skype call off a friend of mine, Joanee, who talked to me and helped me feel a bit better. I went to bed and slept on and off. I tried to do the social thing the next day- went for dinner with a friend, then he took me out to a club to see friends. I lasted 2 hours before I had to go home. I'm usually ok there but it was the same as Thursday- could barely speak, wanted to just break down and cry. It was horrible.
After another chat with Joanee, who really had the patience of a saint to put up with me over those 2 days, I felt a lot lot better. I actually slept for a good 10 hours without waking up. My energy was starting to pick up. I was starting to feel more myself.
I've found though that I feel like that for about 2, maybe 3 hours then the black fog, the darkness, the "nothing" whatever you want to call it, it came back. Then I would be exhausted and just want to sleep.
That's when I went to see my doctor, the first available appointment, on the monday after work. He was very concerned and told me to go back up on the higher dosage of antidepressants and see how it goes. I also have a blood test on tuesday because I am getting terrible circulation in my hands, causing me to get chilblains and bumps on my fingers (sore!) He wanted to put me on beta blockers for my nerves, but can't because they affect circulation- duh!
But anyway- so I'm in bit of limbo right now. I'm really struggling and the only thing I seem to control is my eating. So I'm putting all my energy on sticking to plan.
Feeling frumpy- well that fits with the "feeling depressed" part really. I still feel big because of the weight I put on. I am now only 8lb away from my 10st 1lb weight loss target. But i feel it. My tummy "bulge" is significant to me. I seem to be focusing on my loose skin too- I'm just not toned at all and I feel terrible. It's worse when I get told how great I look- because I genuinely don't believe them. I think they're lying. Even though my logic KNOWS that they aren't. There are people in my life that I trust to be honest and I still don't believe them when I'm in this head space. I feel so insecure, hideous and unlovable.
It hurts, I have that feeling in my tummy that's just sickening. It makes me want to hide away in baggy clothes and stay in my room on my own.
But I practice opposites- I go out there and try to have a good time. I try to bury down the pain and get on with it- because doing that DOES help!.
Yesterday I went to the local Slimming World celebration evening. I will post more on this in my next blog post because it was a good evening. I was practically forced to go in the end because I genuinely was scared to go. I couldn't wear the outfit I wanted to- and the one I wore showed off my skin and I felt so ugly. People told me otherwise and that was nice of them but again- didn't believe them. My friend Sami did my make up for me which was good of her, she did a decent job. Once I got there I got into the swing of it for most of the night but I hit a wall.... I suddenly went *whoosh* and the depression came....
But I went home, even though I was in pain I did over all have a good night. Ate lots of low syn food and did a lot of body magic in dancing.
Anyway- so Flutterby isn't feeling too great- but I know it'll pass!
I have a lot to look forward to. I am going to Birmingham next month for a convention, doing the race for life next month too. I have paid for a flight to New York to spend a few weeks with Joanee, which will be great (even though she's veggie- oh my god! Green days for 2 weeks nearly! heehee) and I paid my deposit for Turkey next year- my mum's wedding.
So even though I am so down I do have things positive going on.
Tuesday I get weighed- and hopefully I will get ANY loss- any loss means back into the 12 stones- so keeping my fingers crossed.
To anyone who is struggling right now- with anything- depression, eating, physical stuff etc. It gets better. Just take each day as it comes, focus on what you can do in the day and try to be the best that you can be. Do one thing a day that challenges you. When I do that I feel like I've achieved something.
And on that note, I am going to go do my squats and go to bed.
Thanks for being there for me guys!
Much love,
Tanya x
Oh it is just outrageous how long it's been since my last update? Nearly a MONTH? Oh dear!
It's me- I'm baaaaaaaack! And I know what you're thinking :
I have updated my facebook page more often (check it out if you haven't already- right here! ) but I just haven't really had the energy to post a long update.
This one is going to be a short one, but I really needed to touch base- get out of the cycle of not posting- I must- MUST find time tomorrow to do a proper update with how I'm really doing!
First things first- how I have got on at weigh in.
Well as you know- the day I got back from Canada I went and got weighed- 1st 10.5lb heavier than before I went. I just got on with it and aimed to lose the following week.
Which I did- I lost 1st 1lb in a week! Most of it was water, as my consultant liked to point out, and I was wearing heavier clothes. But some of that loss was genuine, and I was so chuffed to be back on plan.
Then I had an out of control week- putting on 2.5lb. I felt so disappointed in myself but I just wasn't quite with it still- I was still missing Canada and I was still very down. But I didn't let that stop me! I stuck to plan with a few naughty moments but more or less in control. Week 3 back from Canada- 2lb loss.
Which brings me to this last week. I was really determined to stick to plan. June is here- and it started off well with my 2lb off. So I want to go for Slimmer of the Month this month- and to aim to get my 10st award back. My consultant has been on holiday and the consultant standing in, Lesley, is just awesome- I always enjoy her groups (even though I've only been to 4 in total!)
Last week I armed myself with food diary and wrote everything down- that included the pizza and box of rocky roads i had! Usually when i overeat or have something mega syns I just go "oh well" and go back to basics the same day. The only thing I estimated all week was the pizza- I put down 70 syns- so a total of 92 syns on Tuesday- shocking! But it goes to show- usually after pizza I have chocolate- I would have had my left over easter egg at about 50 syns a pop. Then I would have had some cereal- another 30 odd syns for the amount I eat- then the sugar.....the list goes on. So writing it down kept me in control and kept me looking forward
I stood on the scales this week 3lb lighter! I was a touch frustrated (but I did laugh) I got my 9 1/2 stone award but I am EXACTLY 13 stone! Just another half a pound would have got me in the 12's.
I told Julie that I would be in the 12's when she got back and she's back next week. So as long as I lose this week I will keep that promise!
I didn't overindulge tonight- which made me feel great! I made a syn free kebab and had that at group with salad. I had fruit and yog with 2 meringue shells and a hot choc while I was at group.
I feel in control and content! I'm taking each day as it comes and that's it.
Now I must get to bed- I need to be up for work in 5 1/2 hours- and I think it's going to be busy and draining.
It's good to post though- and I will push myself to post again (yeah yeah I know- I say that every time eh!)
Thanks for sticking with me and thanks for keeping me motivated- I really couldn't do it without the support of others
Much Love,
Tanya x
Hi guys, long time no speak!
I've been meaning to do a blog for the last few days but my heart so hasn't been in it- or anything for that matter.
I got home from an amazing trip on Tuesday. Since leaving my friend at the bus station on Monday (actually it started the day before) I was just crying constantly and that was, and is, incredibly draining. I miss her tonnes. She's amazing, and her family too. It's hard to think that it'll be another couple of years before I get a gnome hug again- and her hugs are amazeballs!
Anyhoo- I got home at 1.30pm on Tuesday, dropped my bags off, said hi to everyone and then asked mum to give me a ride to Slimming World to get weighed- no time like the present eh??? I handed my consultant £25 for a 6 week countdown, which will keep me focused.
Well I was wearing my heavy dungarees (since my jeans weren't going anywhere near me!) and I had a huge meal at Heathrow a few hours before- I was pretty happy accepting of the result.
You ready?
I gained, in 4 weeks- 1 stone 10 1/2lb. Yes, 24.5lb, in 4 whole weeks.
I was off plan the week before I went and gained about 1/2 stone in that week alone, so about a stone in 3 weeks, considering what I was eating and after the first week or so we were unable to go out as much due to the pesky black flies, I was accepting of it.
I got off the scales and started my brand, spanking new week! All I cared about was that number going DOWN the next week! Not much point worrying and being ashamed of the weight I put on!
The reality is- I'm officially still over eight stone lighter since I started my journey so it's not like I've put all the weight on. If I thought I had failed and felt shame then I probably would have eaten even more rubbish.
I enjoyed my trip, it was truly magical and the gain is irrelevant. In my eyes, it was worth it!
So as soon as I stepped off the scales the new week started, I planned meals, started eating the superfree and just went back to basics. I even went for long walks- over 6 miles on Wednesday, 5 miles on Thursday, 4 miles Saturday..... and today I went back to work which is a lot of moving around.
I'm hopeful for a nice loss on Tuesday, we shall see how it goes!
But- the pity pot reference is quite apt for me at the moment. I have so struggled to be back home and back in reality. I miss being in Canada and I have been so depressed. As I said before- I've just been crying constantly (ok not all the time but lots!) and I have been a wreck, my nerves have become fraught and I'm just so exhausted.
Today though, after having a chat with someone and sharing a bit myself, I have realised that I need to just keep moving. How I feel now isn't going to be forever. I need to be patient- it's a big comedown. It's ok not to be ok sometimes. We don't feel great *all* the time- that would be weird.
Last time I came home from Canada I spent 3 days in bed- I didn't talk to anyone for a while (I think apart from Marg) and I just locked myself away. At least I'm functioning, even though I don't want to be social about 99% of the time!!!
I'm coming out of it, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other- that's all any of us can do!!
On a positive- I'm getting a tattoo on Friday- 10 flutterbies, 1 for each stone I've lost. It's to recognise my own achievement, show myself how far I've come....I can't wait!
Anyway- I'm going to bed- in work tomorrow, need my rest.
Good to be back, ish. Hopefully I'll report a great loss on Tuesday!
Much Love,
Tanya x
Hi everyone!
Today is my 25th birthday. According to the UK government I am officially old- 25 is the age when benefits go up and you can get Working Tax Credits. So- thanks UK- I am officially an adult!
It's kinda a milestone for me because I remember saying to someone just over 2 years ago that I didn't think I'd still be here at 25. To be fair, if I was still putting on weight and getting more and more into a rut, I *wouldn't* have made it to 25. So it's a pretty big deal!
The last couple of years have been awesome- I'm physically and mentally a million times better. I have some self worth and self love. I have met some fantastic people, made some new friends. I've travelled more and not had to restrict myself because of my weight or worrying about what others are saying about me.
I've seen other people change too. I've watched my mum fall in love with some weird, long haired, tattooed guy (who isn't totally bad....) and it's great to see her so happy. My brother has grown into a (reasonably!) mature adult- someone who I can be extremely proud of- and I am!
Not to mention the amazing people I've met through Slimming World who have lost weight too and changed their lives, just like I have.
Anyway- so my birthday.
For years I resented my birthday- it was just that time of year I couldn't stand. When I lived on my own all I did was get off my face drunk and feel sorry for myself (isn't that what teenagers do anyway??) I hated celebrations- just like Christmas. Hated it, didn't want anything to do with it- wasn't sure why people made a big deal over it! Quite frankly I've not liked people making a fuss over me. I mean, I was always a worthless piece of you-know-what.....why would people want to be bothered taking time out of their lives to celebrate with me? So I always just shut off, didn't let people in- including my family. Emphasised on the point that I didn't want anything, no cards, no presents, no sing-songs- nothing. So people didn't.
I was about 21 and I met this woman online, via facebook. She was one of those people who you really could just open up to and you knew you wouldn't get judged. I was at a low ebb and she always seemed to be at the end of an inbox, on MSN and then introduced her to the world of skype so we could actually see each other. After about 6 months of chatting she invited me to visit her, in Canada, to stay with her family. At this time in my life I didn't go out often. I became rather agrophobic and my world was mostly online. So the thought of travelling over 3000 miles, on my own to a foreign country to stay with someone who I never actually met- it was beyond scary. But I trusted this woman so knew that it was something good and we planned lots of trips and outings, I got excited.
So in the June of 2010 I travelled from the comfort of my own home all the way Ottawa, Ontario. I was surprised how fearless I was, considering how anxious and constantly fearful I was! After plane delays and a slight embarassing moment in customs (story for another day!) I was greeted by my little Canadian Gnome, Marg. I was welcomed into her home and made to feel like a part of the family. She's married, with 2 daughters who are both a bit younger than me. But I treated them as my 2 little sisters (just minus the horrendous arguements which I think are normal with female siblings, apparently!)
I had a great time but I did regret a few things. My anxiety did cause problems, I spent a lot of time in my room, which they all understood but I hated. I wanted to enjoy myself but I was just crippled with fear. Not to mention all the physical limitations to add on to it.
I was worried that if Marg saw how bad I *really* was, then maybe she would just say that it was too much and stop contact once I got home. But hey, she didn't. She must be a little mad (only joking)
Anyway- when I got back moved in with my Mum, for a bit more stability (I was living with my Dad before this) and that's when I decided to make a move and attack my weight problem- you guys know the rest already!
Late on last year, Marg and I were talking about me coming to visit again. Of course, it was something I really wanted to do- my life had changed and I really wanted to spend time with my Canadian "family" again!
I wanted to come for my birthday because I wanted to break the mould. The last few years, for Christmases and Birthdays, I've spent them at home and I have had a bit of a fuss made of me but I still felt a little awkward, I still had that self doubt and didn't like being spoiled. So I thought that a big change would help....
Before my trip I went for a lovely meal with my Mum, Niall and Jay, my Nan and a few close friends. Because I wanted to spend some time with my nearest and dearest before I went.
Today, I had a day with Marg, her husband and her youngest daughter (aka my youngest adopted Sister), Rebecca (and my other "sis", Catherine was there in spirit, since she's at the other end of the country)
Rebecca went shopping and after a while, Marg told me we were going for a walk to check out the scenery. When we got back, Rebecca was back, armed with flutterby balloons, a birthday banner and some presents. It was so lovely. There were flutterbies everywhere!!
I chose what we were having for dinner, birthday girl always gets the choice. So I opted for barbequed burgers (home made of course!) and potato salad. They even made some cute lemon birthday cupcakes!
It was fantastic. I felt so loved and I was definitely spoiled rotten. You know what? I didn't feel awkward. I didn't feel upset or overwhelmed I just enjoyed my day.
The icing on the cake was a lovely status update from Niall wishing me a happy birthday (which made me cry- the sod) and messages off my mum. That made me extra happy (and the messages off my friends too of course!)
It was a pretty awesome day. I am so blessed to have amazing people around me right now- including the people who aren't exactly here but who are part of my life.
Now enough soppy rambling, because I'm getting a touch emotional right now! Let's talk about this bucket list real quick.
Bucket lists- for people who don't know what they are. They're a list of things you want to achieve or do before you "kick the bucket". I'm going to do a "kinda" bucket list- things to do before I'm 30. I have 5 years. If so much can change in 2 years- imagine what can happen in 5!
Now- I have learned to live in the day- not project into the future. But someone wise told me once that "It's ok to plan for the future as long as you don't live in it" so this- is just a plan.
I'm not going to beat myself up in 5 years if I've not achieved everything- but I'd like to achieve at least something..... So.....here is my kinda bucket list!
1) To still be at a healthy weight and to still be sober
2) Gain a new qualification (doesn't have to be a degree- just a qualification in *something*)
3) Learn a foreign language
4) To have my own little batchelorette pad
5) Learn how to drive and own a car
6) To travel to at least 2 countries that I haven't been to before
7) To have a stable job (whether it's still at Asda, as a Slimming World consultant or something else!)
8) Write a book
9) Run a marathon
10) Climb up the 3 biggest peaks in the UK (Ben Nevis, Snowdon and Scafell Pike)
11) Take part in a charity bike ride.
12) Enter a triathlon
13) Go back to competitive swimming
14) Sing Karaoke at least once
15) Go to a live music concert
16) Learn to knit clothes (not just squares for a blanket!)
17) Read at least 30 books
18) Learn how to dance
19) Learn how to ski- in Canada.
So- 19 things to do before I'm 30. That's an average of less than 4 things a year. Totally doable- right?
I picked things that will challenge myself physically and mentally. This is a good thing. None of them are impossible. That's the most important thing- I've not picked something that I know I can't do. I don't want to dishearten myself.
I think I have a bit to look forward to!
Today though, as that's what I focus on, my life is great, I wouldn't change a thing. I am happy, content, just all round ok with myself. I am loved and I have the ability to love back.
My life is awesome, I am a very very lucky flutterby.
Now- time to spend some time with these little Canadians!
Much Love,
Tanya x
https://www.facebook.com/FatFlutterby <---- here's my facebook page!
Hi guys! Today is a lazy day so thought I would post one of these babies up- I know you've missed me!
So I set off on my trip to Canada on Wednesday- everything went swimmingly- no delays and we even got an earlier bus from Montreal to Ottawa so we didn't have to wait an extra 2 hours- just what was needed after being up for nearly 24 hours!
For people who don't know- I'm staying with my friend Marg, someone I've known for about 4 years. She's been my rock on many occasions. When I was at my worst she always had time for an msn chat or 2.
I was here 3 years ago- when I was at my biggest and probably at one of my lowest ebbs. Even though I had a good time I came back disappointed because there was so much I couldn't do- either because of my size (couldn't go for walks) or because of my mental state (hated going out in crowds, it brought on panic attacks).
What upset me the most was the lack of photographs. There were a few- in fact nearly all of my "before" pictures were taken while I was there. But I came back with less than 70 pictures and about 5 of them were of me.
I'm sure a lot of people can identify with the fact that when I was big- I tried to avoid the camera. I was a bit of a fat ninja- as soon as one came out I was ducking and diving trying to avoid them. It was hard to hide behind people when I was over 23 stone!!!
I actually had a couple of pictures taken with Marg, which show a bit of a change. Only in me though- in 3 years she hasn't even changed! heehee.
Anyway- so much has changed in the last 3 years. Not just because of the weight loss- but the confidence, happiness and willingness to just do stuff too! I've been here 5 days and already I've taken more pictures than in the 3 weeks last time and there are a few pictures of me! Awesome!
We have had a couple of trips out too.
Marg, her daughter Rebecca and I went on a walk around Calabogie on friday (that's where we are right now) I had to post couple of things so it was a pleasant 2k walk each way, with some picture taking on the way!
On Saturday we went into Ottawa to a craft fair. My friend, Benita had a stall there- selling jewellery and pendants. She specialises in healing stones. (Actually check out her Facebook page some of the pieces are amazing!) Then we went on a shopping trip to Costco- or as I have no named it- sample city!! So many samples- I barely needed food.....even though I bought a slice of pizza while I was there- massive piece and mega tasty!
I've not really been on plan much but we are eating well. I'm having most of my veggies without butter, just boiled and the meat is de-fatted after cooking so there are things like that. I've even cut up pineapples and berries to snack on! Of course- we have tasty fat-free yoghurt in the fridge (it's activia which is pretty much a safe bet) I am eating rubbish, like having doughnuts in Tim Hortons with an Iced Capp but hey- I'm in Canada you kinda HAVE to do these things here!
But I have made decent choices- which is habit for me now- I have been doing this for 2 years so anything you do for this length of time really is a habit!
Anyway so I am making the most of my new lease of life by making the most of my valuable time with Marg and the rest of my Canadian family!
So it's my birthday on Saturday. I was saying to Marg and Becca yesterday- 25 is actually a milestone for me. I remember having a chat with a friend just before joining Slimming World, after the bullying in university and realising that my physical health was declining. I said that I was that desperate to do something, because I knew that if I didn't, I wouldn't make it to 25. If it wasn't due to nature, I probably would have tried to end my own life. I was at a point even then, in 2011 that I didn't want to live. I was miserable, felt like a failure and I couldn't do anything that I wanted to do....
But hey- look at me now! That is definitely not the case. I might not have a degree, a big house, great career and loads of money in the bank. But I have a job, some money saved the love and respect of my friends and family and I have actually turned my life around.
There are 5 days until my birthday so hey- might not even make it to 25 after all but I have a pretty decent chance eh? People who have read this blog for a while know that I reflect on the last few years every so often and I have been doing that. I just love my life right now. The day before I went to Canada I spent the evening with my Mum, Niall and Jamie, my Nana and some of my best friends. It was an early birthday meal (Curry night- what else??) I had a great evening and I was so happy that people wanted to spend time with me. It wasn't always like that so sometimes I can be a it soppy thinking about it.
So I'm such a happy flutterby right now. It didn't happen overnight, it took a lot of hard work- physically and mentally. But all I did was put one foot in front of the other, stayed honest with my feelings, kept in touch with people in my support network and I didn't give up!!!
So anyone reading that's struggling- don't you dare give up! Tough times do not last forever. Just dust yourself and get back up. You are worth the effort- please don't forget that!
Anyway- time for dinner and to get back to being a social Flutterby!
Thanks for being on my journey with me!
Much Love,
Tanya x
https://www.facebook.com/FatFlutterby
Hi blogees! Just a quick one from me.
I got weighed at 1pm today- was greeted with a half pound gain. I'm happy- considering how out of control I was for 3 whole days. I started my day positively and I am sticking with the plan of action that I pledged yesterday!
I went to the 5pm group, after shopping and nattering with a friend. Then I went to visit dad for a bit.
My extra body magic was in the form of walking home from dad's but taking a detour- so instead of 15 minutes it was 40 minutes. I felt better for it- even though my ankle is giving me a bit of annoyance.
My food for today:
Breakfast- WW yog
Lunch- turkey breast and ham salad box (double meat) and sweet onion dressing (2 syns) and 2 cherry bakewell hifi bars (HEB+ 6 syns)
Dinner- Chicken and Black Bean sauce (8 syns worth) with boiled rice.
Snacks- tin baked beans, WW yog, caramelised ginger sample (teeny bit- 1/2syn)
So a little over my syns- 16 1/2. But in control, which is the main thing!
Tomorrow is "Red Hot" day! But going to have a decent breakfast and dinner so just going to be lunch that's going to be uber syns- but that's ok- that's 1 meal- as long as I don't sabotage I'll be really happy!
Ok- here's to a great week- hopefully!
Much Love,
Tanya x
facebook.com/fatflutterby <----join me on facebook!
Hi everyone, about time I got posting!
I have been up and down, up and down and so on lately. I'd have a good day, or 2, or 3....then *boom* self sabotage appears and I just go "sod it" and eat about 5 times the amount that I should be eating.
This has been a common theme lately and it was only yesterday did it start to dawn on me that this really is serious and it's something I need to look at more. If I don't then the 20+ stone mark will be back before I know it.
My pants are teeeeeeerribly tight- both my jeans and work pants....my tummy looks like one off one of those little buddahs and I am feeling lethargic and just generally grumpy.
It is so damn easy to fall into that rut of eating and eating- for the sake of it most of the time- because it's there. It takes a lot of effort, will power in some cases and determination to get out of said rut and get back on plan....
Today- ok not perfect on plan but it is better! I ate some fruit....I had an original day so lots of meat and things. I did have a teeny piece of birthday cake in my break today but I did stop at that! I nommed my fruit and tomatoes and didn't have any more uber syns!
It's progress!
Tomorrow- it's going to be ugly. I'm getting weighed earlier, which believe it or not is worse for me. I am working so I'll have been up since 4.30 and I'll have just eaten, as well as having to keep hydrated more, lots of water!
But I need to get weighed. So I'm going to- and that's ok.
This week is going to be hard- I'm laying it out there now. I have a meal out tomorrow night (Indian- must stay away from the naan bread!!) and to an all-you-can-eat buffet on Wednesday. But there is no reason why I shouldn't lose next week anyway. That's 2 meals! One of which I can make decent choices.
After tomorrow there are TWO weigh ins until my trip to Canada! (16 days to go- omg!!) and I want to be less than I am now- that's for sure! I want my clothes to fit. I want my energy back so I can enjoy myself! Any most importantly- my confidence has taken a dip lately and I want that confidence back!!!! It's amazing how something so subtle can knock the confidence you've spent ages trying to build up.
So- this is serious.....it really is. No, no I know I've said it before. I have done this before- I haven't messed up or failed- just a minor blip..... watch this space!!!
This is currently more-flabby-than-I-want-to-be Flutterby's plan of action over the next 7 days:
1) Food Diary- no matter what, write it down. I am saying now the ONLY exception is what is going to be nommed at Red Hot. What happens at Red Hot- stays at Red Hot! But everything else- if I nibble, I scribble
2) Body Magic- it's kinda limited at the moment due to hurting my neck AGAIN! But it doesn't stop me from walking. I am not counting the walk to work and back as body magic. I am going to do half an hour every day of EXTRA exercise/activity. Mostly walking- my neck can't take much more than that.
3) I am going to live in the day- simples, not worry about the whole week ahead but just get up- plan my day and follow it through!
4) Going to be kind to myself- that'll be harder. But it's something we ALL need to do. People are all too willing to judge us and be nasty to us- we have to stick up for ourselves and be kind to us! Even if it's just smiling in the mirror- thinking something positive about myself and realising that I am worth the effort!
Only 4 points- keeping it simple this week!
Brand new week starts right....
___________________________________________
now!!!!
The line is drawn and there is nothing I can do about the last few weeks- so I am not going to dwell on it. What's the point? Exactly- there isn't one!
Feeling positive now that I've got this out- fantastic!
So we shall see what this week brings eh? But the countdown to Canada is well and truly on!
Great to be back!
Much Love,
Tanya x
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