Chuffed to bits!

I have impressed myself today. Today was definitely one of those days where I can pat myself on the back (ha- I couldn't do that at my heaviest because I couldnt get my arm far back enough without being in pain!)


At work today- I managed to (nearly all by myself) shut up the shop) I can now check the lottery and scratchcard summaries, count the scratchcards, check all winnings, check credit card receipts, paypoint money and the float. and the readings at the end of the night. Also (more of an achievement for me) I am learning where the ciggies are- because standing like an idiot because I can't find the ciggies the customer wants is not fun at all. Same with the booze. I also now know that "a bottle of X" means a 70cl bottle of spirits. There was me thinking it was a litre bottle!


The other "oh I am so chuffed with myself" thing was a couple of ladies came into the shop, from a local beauty salon (or something). They were having a party and had lots of food left over- so they gave us a tray of egg mayonnaise butties- white bread, lots of butter and I was betting it was full fat mayo. I worked out that for a quarter sandwich it would be about 8 syns- and that wouldn't even be EGGagerating (sorry!) But even with Abby (the girl I work with) saying "oh go on- just have one" and making "mmmmmm" noises at me (meanie!) I resisted and didn't have a bite!


I did, however, make an egg mayo sarnie when I got home. 1 big piece of bread, 2 boiled eggs and just under a tablespoon of mayo (and black pepper) That was half a syn for a HALF sandwich. better than the 16 syns that I potentially could have had (no thanks!) I also had a lovely bowl of my mum's stew- which is by far the best stew on the planet.


Some people think that a little bit of picking won't do any harm. But Julie, my Slimming World Consultant, read out a story of a woman called "Mrs Good"....or something along those lines. Basically a jokey story about a woman who picks through the day (like the crusts after she's made her kids lunches, or a bit of extra cereal for breakfast...) She thinks she's had 10 syns in the day (which is good- it's recommended we have 5-15 a day) but it turned out she had over 120! Which is more than we should have in a week!Of course, it's an extreme- but it made me think about when I used to pick at stuff, even when I was on SW (albeit just as I started) and not syn them. 


I use my syns for things I'm going to enjoy. Julie describes them as "pocket money"- you get so much a week to spend on whatever food you want. You could possibly save some extra for the weekend for a cheeky drink or a bit of chocolate, or you can have a good amount every day. Me? I go with daily syns. If I were to go out for a curry for example, I would have a few less syns, maybe stick to 5 a day, and have a few extra just in case I needed them.. But I don't go without.


I have lost 65lb so far- and I am taking my weight loss seriously. I want to get to target- and I know the nearer I get to my target weight, the harder it is going to get. I need to keep vigilant. No snacking on stuff that's high syns- because those snacks will show on the scales on the Tuesday. 


Of course, I struggle. I have days where all I want is to pig out on 10 packets of crisps and a massive cake. But, I know that I will feel SO guilty afterwards, that I will feel physically sick. I have in the past- at least now I know this before I pick up that cream cake! Beforehand- the voice that said "I wouldn't do that if I were you" was really meek and quiet. The loud booming voice of "You know that will make you feel better. And look how yummy it looks!!" always stood out. Now, the roles are reversed. Sometimes the evil voice will get a bit louder-sometimes cravings for food is unbearable. At those moments I close my eyes and say (outloud) "No- I don't want it- this too shall pass" and find something to distract myself. 


It gets easier, even with the tough days. The further I go, the stronger, mentally, I am becoming (I think). I don't NEED food to feel better. I have amazing friends and a supportive family. I have the worlds best SW consultant who I know is at the end of the phone if I need her. I have more of a positive self image. I am starting to look in mirrors and not freak out. I am a work in progress, learning to love myself, and to have a 100% healthy relationship with food is not something that is going to happen overnight. I have only been on this journey for 6 months. I have a lot of emotional growth (and physical shrinkage!) to go. 


This blog, and my support network of friends and family are helping me with this.


Feeling positive, energised (ok and a little tired but it is 3am)


On that note, I am going to bed. Tomorrow is a new day- and I hope to keep strong and move forward on my journey to a healthy body and mind!


Much Love,
Tanya x